Chapter Five

Dear Wren,
The time has come again for me to be on my way. I’ve lingered long enough on these shores, and I fear I may become too attached.

Arnan set down the pen and tried to rub away the pain of his throbbing temples. He felt as if all the forces in the universe were intent on crushing him. The headaches had appeared not long after he had first set foot on the shores of Clio, but it had been a long time since one had so completely overtaken his mind. It was nearing morning, and Arnan was still struggling over what was necessary to inform his sister of. Each draft of the letter was steeped in sarcasm and grief, and he was not about to let his younger sister take a mind to read between the lines.

Arnan stared silently at the two children sleeping in the corner of Little Mother’s cottage as he worked up the courage to finish the letter. Each child was bound to him for their existence, and each had in some way placed their trust in him. He was thankful that Pepper was finally sleeping soundly. The boy had woken screaming nearly every hour, since he first fell into his comatose state. It was unlikely that Pepper would have any voice for the next few days. Arnan winced as another wracking pain took his head. He would have almost preferred Pepper’s nightmares to the continual throbbing.

Tomorrow I leave with my ward for the Island of An Toan. It seems ironic that my travels would lead me there, an irony that perhaps you will appreciate. An Toan suffers from the same deeply religious ailment that our parents had when we were young. Your wayward brother may for once try his hand at honest labor, as the inhabitants aren’t likely to need my current skills. Who knows, maybe Deus will show himself powerful in providing for my pour and wretched soul.

The sarcasm was beginning to show itself once again. He had to warn Wren of where he would be, and yet he couldn’t seem to do it without harkening back to the flame of hatred for Wren’s religion that had sparked in his heart. She might think it was strange that he was referring to Pepper as “his ward” but Arnan had already determined that he would not tell her about Meridel. It was likely that the girl would abandon them, and he was not ready to face the questions that would arise at the thought of a young woman traveling along.

Do not worry for me; we are going to a safe place. Give my regards to the others.

He bit back the word, family. They weren’t exactly a family anymore. They were no longer a family because of what he done, or not done. He had disgraced them, destroyed them. Yet, he loved them. Arnan sighed and pushed the piece of parchment away. The words were enough, and he couldn’t stand to think about his siblings any longer. Wren would be satisfied, although worried. He could now block memories of Braedoch out of his mind for another few months before he was faced with another piece of parchment covered with his own bitter words. Arnan slowly folded his letter and gathered up the stack of notes from Wren. The pile kept growing, and only a few of them had been opened. Each piece of parchment contained the concerns of his sister. He had quickly learned that they were too painful to read. It was far easier to simply push any thought of his family away and focus on the job at hand. Every so often he worked up the courage to read one of the letters, and whenever he did Arnan found himself launched into a deadly serious of headaches and nightmares. He knew he was worrying her, but he couldn’t bare the raw pain the letters evoked in his heart.

“What is it that weighs on your brow so heavily, little warrior?” Arnan smiled in spite of himself at the sound of Little Mother’s words. He had never seen himself as a warrior. He fought against the establishment, against rules, against his past, against himself. Aiden and Daelia had referred to him as rebellious, never a warrior. Arnan watched her weathered hands move across the familiar surface of her roughly hewn rocking chair. The firelight flickering across Little Mother’s face seemed to soften the wrinkles of old age, sitting there she almost reminded him of his mother, Lydia. Arnan swallowed hard and tried to think of a response that would satisfy the loving old woman.

“Perhaps it worries me that I have left so many things undone.” The statement drew a chuckle from the fireplace and Arnan once again found he was smiling. “In all honesty I don’t know why I offered protection to the girl. Hiding a Princess from prying eyes is less then simple work.” Especially when she hates you. Another chuckle came from Little Mother.

“You know well enough why you are protecting her, and you know that her royalty will not be the greatest challenge you will face.”

“My life will be in greater danger then it has ever been before, I am aware of that.” He knew that was not what she meant, but he could not force himself to speak the words.

“Arnan.” Her tone was commanding, even disapproving. He ducked his head at the scold in a long forgotten habit. “She has lost her heart, all she knows is grief and rage.” The old woman paused and looked at Arnan with her unseeing eyes. “You must be a father to her, learn to love her as her father loved her.”

“I don’t know how.” His words were a barely audible whisper.

“Deus will show you.” Deus. Arnan bit back the flow of bitter words that echoed through his mind at the sound of the name. He couldn’t see how a being that seemed to be bent on destruction could teach him to be a father. Arnan scraped his chair along the wooden floor and angrily walked over to the window. He didn’t know why he was staring out into the inky blackness, but somehow it reminded him of his heart. He didn’t know how to help Meridel; he didn’t even know how to help Pepper. Every time he tried he seemed to fail. It had been the same with his younger siblings. He had done more damage then good. Arnan knew what he had taught them was inconsistency. He had told them to obey, and then done the very thing they had been forbidden from. Arnan hung his head at the weight of failure that he felt. He was afraid, afraid because he knew that he would simply fail Meridel and Pepper the way that he had failed his family.

Arnan started out of his thoughts as an aged hand began caressing his cheek. He had been so lost in his confusion that he had not even heard Little Mother rise from her chair. She was smiling, and there were tears glistening in her eyes. Arnan covered her small hand with his own and smiled down at her.

“Do not be afraid my little warrior, you will teach her to laugh again.” Little Mother paused and Arnan could sense that she was looking at something with her sightless eyes. A small grin worked its way across her face as she watched a scene unfold in her mind. “You will teach her to laugh again. But I think… I think there will be another Princess who will teach you to cry.”

It was an unsettling statement, and the last thing that Arnan wanted to deal with was more royalty. His curiosity was building, but he could see from the look on Little Mother’s face that she would tell him no more.

“ You leave for An Toan?” Arnan nodded in response, knowing that her question was one she already knew the answer to. She smiled again and brought her hand down to trace the small pendant that hung around his neck. “ It is this greater weight hanging over you for which I worry.”

Arnan bit back tears at her words. The pendant was a gift from his sisters. Wren had convinced Daelia to craft it for his sixteenth birthday. All of the girls had chipped into gathering the necessary silver, and Daelia had painstakingly etched each of their names into the rim of the circle. Wren. Ilara. Aquila. Zoe. Daelia. He knew the shape of their names by heart.

“In An Toan, you will find the answers your heart seeks.” With those final words Little Mother stepped away and disappeared into the shadows, leaving Arnan to watch the Sun’s slow ascent into the morning sky.

_____

Arnan looked over his shoulder back at the little cottage one last time and caught a glimpse of a familiar falcon sitting on the roof beam. Shea had nearly impeccable timing. Little Mother would know what to do.

_____

They had been riding for nearly ten hours and the shadows of the trees were just starting to lengthen. Arnan could see that Meridel was beginning to fade. He silently berated himself for not stopping to take a noon meal. Pepper was still nearly comatose, and he had forgotten that the Princess would be less resilient then he was. Arnan’s thoughts turned back to Pepper as the boy’s head began to bounce against his back. Pepper’s eyes were open, but he responded to nothing and had not said a word all day. Little Mother had warned him that he might have to coax the little boy to speak again. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Meridel urge her jet-black mare forward until she was riding abreast with him.

“Why An Toan?” Her question was subdued and tentative, and Arnan hated the sound of it. She was afraid of him.

“The boy has family there.” He knew his gruff answer did not help, but he had little else to say. Arnan wasn’t even certain if Pepper really had family left there, he only knew what small bits Little Mother had told him about Pepper’s parents moving from An Toan to serve the people of Clio. “And the people of those shores will not let your Prime Minister search within their borders. They look on their land as a safe haven for any who seek help from Deus.”

“And we seek help from him?” Arnan ignored the question and lapsed into silence as they rode. Meridel was not satisfied with his answer. He could see her annoyance manifesting itself in her posture. She hid behind formality, a fact that did not surprise him in the least. She suddenly relaxed and Arnan wondered for a moment what was going through the young girl’s mind.

“Is he going to be alright?” Meridel cocked her head towards Pepper as she spoke.

“I don’t know.”